This past week I’ve gone through the gauntlet with my emotions concerning JFK and running. First I was both pleased with how I did and glad to have a break and let my body rest. I didn’t resent running, quite the contrary, but I was also ready to take a step back, put this season behind me, and take some time.
The last time I did this, back in April, it was actually easier. I was fed up with niggles, mad at myself, and questioning running as it wasn’t fun in Syracuse and I missed my roots.
This time, I feel like a loaded cannon that sort of went off. I am tired from JFK, but not that tiredness one would feel if they spent a long time building up for it. I feel like I got what I deserved finishing in the manner I did, but also I wanted to give more of myself to it.
That didn’t happen and I’m not going to waste anymore energy wondering what if. My season was not great, but I learned from it and how to make the next season better. It starts with this downtime, and then a slow build to whatever excites me next.
Today I woke up and expected to feel tired, foggy and wiped. Granted, I didn’t sleep well because I was taking care of three dogs, but that is different from what I am talking about. I went for a walk and during that time I wondered if I’d ever feel my chipperness again. Believe me, I have enjoyed time with family for Thanksgiving and doing things with them instead of running, but I just love the excitement running gives me.
It makes me feel alive, even when I’m tired.
This feeling has gotten me into trouble before and I’m wary of it, I know how easily it is to start too soon or run too much too quickly. However, there is also the joy of being in the running mindset without actually running, which I discovered is what I want to capitalize on during this time.
On the last half of my walk, I decided that I was done feeling groggy and tired. Thinking I should be tired or sore has just been keeping me there, hindering my recovery from the race. This mental shift, from “I should feel like crap” to “it’s time to look forward” immediately made me feel less lethargic, overwhelmed and sore. It opened up possibility, as long as I continue to do things correctly.
I am in my off season, but I am not done. Even if I never race again, I will run, at least a little bit, for the rest of my life. That declaration, has sort of propelled me out of the post race funk.