It’s not about achieving anything, it’s about exploration

When I read about vanlife, I thought I would feel this huge sense of accomplishment when I finally moved in. Now, I do feel good when everything works and I get on with my day with few mishaps. However, I think my reasons for living in a van has changed since I started.

I moved in to prove I could. I remain here because I enjoy it. I remain in a van because it taught me how to take care of myself at a basic level. I remain in a van because each time I wake up or try something new, I learn more. I experience more. It’s not about winning at vanlife (although I do love when I have a #vanlife win) it’s about exploring myself. It’s figuring things out, it’s creating new habits, it’s getting out of the cushy life I had forever.

I was offered an apartment essentially for free. I could live with my parents if I want. Not saying I won’t ever have to use those things (my van breaks, I break my leg, something out of my control happens) but I really don’t want to. I don’t think I’m better for doing it this way. In fact, I am technically homeless, I do not thing people should live that way if they don’t have to.

It is my privilege to choose this life. So I do choose it. Like I choose many things. Until it ceases to work for me, I choose this.

Yesterday was a busy day! It was very fun and satisfying, but by the time I got back to my van after work at 7:15PM, I couldn’t think so my dinner was sunflower butter and bananas. Just container to my mouth. Simple, no cooking, mindless.

Lunch was amazing. I love Ithaca Hummus so much and the roasted red pepper speaks to my soul 🙂

It’s a sign that warmer weather is coming and CTB will get busy. I think the slow of winter allows me to ramp up training easier because work isn’t as hard. I will need to prioritize recovery more than usual and consider CTB my second workout of the day. Also, DRINK more. I struggle so much with hydration. BAH! Then when I do drink, I pee about 4 times a night. Like last night. Good thing it was warm enough and I didn’t just hold it in because my cocoon was too nice to get out of.

Small blessings.

This morning was my first workout back since the race. I felt good and recovered, but the 6 tempo miles at my marathon pace (or my old marathon pace lol) were extremely humbling. Extremely. I hope I can get in a few good workouts between now and the marathon in Texas and then use the few days of driving as perfect recovery.

I got a new pair of Escalantes and a Kinvara last week from the running store and I already appreciate the feel. Now I have graduated my old Altras to my work shoes. My coworkers are impressed with their glow.

Tomorrow I’d like to get onto trails but it’s calling for freezing rain…so it might be more a hike and hope I survive…

Breakfast: sunflower butter and plum jam on sourdough and an apple

Running: 70 minutes

One thought on “It’s not about achieving anything, it’s about exploration”

  1. Perfectly said! As with all things in life, we hopefully only do things until they no longer serve us. I like that you emphasize this is your choice, and it’s a luxury for you. I sometimes think about those that live in their car not by choice, and if things would be different for them if society didn’t deem that as a negative thing. Granted not all cars are fit for large families, but if we all thought of living this way as getting by with less, perhaps less mental anguish would arise? Who knows. Just my thoughts.

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