I have felt so emotional this week. I just cannot get out of my head and I really don’t want to be around anyone. I am so ready to be done with work for the week. I love my job, but sometimes I really just want to have time to think and be by myself.
This morning’s workout sucked. Point blank it should have been manageable but it was hard. After 4 intervals I had to stop, take a break and reassess the plan. I finished what I could, but it wasn’t great.
I don’t even want to tell my coach about it. So I wont until he asks. I just don’t want to engage with anyone right now. I want to sit here, on my bike, edit a few photos for Agava, read my book and just let my worries fall away.
Progress. I need to think about progress. Both regarding my van and my running life. I will be moving at the end of the month. Not horrible, but also, not ideal. It will be fine, it’s just different and another stress I’ll need to think about. Luckily it’s after my race, so I won’t need to fit in running as I adjust to a new routine. I’ll need to move my van a few times a day and I’ll need to decide where to park at night. I am feeling good about the power my solar panels draw, so that should get me through the last of the colder days here.
I can always park at Wal-Mart a few days if it’s really cold. No big thing. I don’t have things in my van that can freeze besides water, which I can get anywhere.
This change has reminded me of my goals for next winter. I plan to go south and live there for the cold months, and return around this time next year. That was my plan initially, so this move has reinvigorated my motivation to make a plan to travel south for winters.
It will be ok. I know this. Yet, it is still kind of stressful and hard to deal with.
My run this morning didn’t make me feel too confident, yet I’m almost accepting of it. It was hard. Hands on my knees hard. During my taper, meaning it shouldn’t have been. But it was. I endured it. I did my best. That’s what this training cycle and what running is. I do my best.
I didn’t choose van life or running because it was easy. I chose them because they fulfill me and make me complete. I am a better and stronger person for choosing to live this way.
Breakfast: sunflower butter and coconut butter on sourdough with an apple
Running: 56 minutes