Making money means it’s a job

I have these moments where I think about next week, and wonder where I’ll end up. Seriously I have an outline of a plan, but I don’t really have much set in stone. I figure I’ll park on the street somewhere and hope it doesn’t get too cold. The past three nights I’ve been fine sleeping (actually last night I was so hot, I took off layers) and I’m not in my van too much otherwise. I ate breakfast in the cold this morning. It was fine.

I’ve bought some battery powered lights, which I will install on Sunday. I have tested out my solar panels and they should give me enough power to make hot water if I need it. I would like more sun, but what can I do?

I think a lot about next year and where I want to be. Right now my focus is paying off my last two loans and being debt free. I work hard and try not to spend lavishly (I have put off getting a new watch and shoes even though I should get them) so I hope this goal will materialize soon. After I have no debts, I plan to build my nest egg for emergencies, but more into retirement, then, work less.

Yup. Me. The woman with three jobs. Work less.

Why? Honestly, I have these aspirations to travel and explore with my feet, but really, I just want time to not do anything that makes me money. Crazy right? If it makes me money, it’s a job, and therefore something I am obligated to do. It may be enjoyable, but it’s not intrinsic anymore. I don’t do it for it’s own sake.

This is why I have chosen not to work with sponsors right now. Running is something I do for it’s own sake. It fills me in a way completely separate from money, accolades or whatever. It is my hobby, something I would do if I could do anything. When I get things for running, some of that joy is turned into job. That’s not something I want to be responsible for right now.

It’s the same thing with social media. I enjoy the interaction and the fun I have putting myself out there, however I choose not to offer anything other than my own experience. When people email or DM me asking questions I always start with “In my experience…” because no other people is the same as me. These things, running, social media etc, especially if it’s personal, can seem like a job. Like there is some standard to meet.

Really, people don’t care. I don’t care. I want to do well in running because it fills me. I like trying to do my best. I curate a professional social media account for a restaurant, I get paid for that and therefore will do it well. My own personal account is not polished and I don’t often take the time to edit those photos. That is like a photo album scrapbook, it’s something I do for it’s own sake. For fun. If I feel pressure, I don’t do it as much.

Circling back, I plan to become more financially stable and travel more simply because I enjoy not having responsibilities. I enjoy taking the day and not having to make money. I have enjoyed my first few Sunday’s off because I truly do not work on those days. I don’t check Agava’s social media nor do I check in at my other jobs. I have spent them with friends and family running and eating. Doing what I love, in new places.

Next fall or winter, I don’t know where I’ll be, but living in my van, paying things off and doing hard things now will hopefully make next winter easier. Either I learn how to get comfortable being cold and stick it out here in Ithaca, or I leave and use the slow of the colder months to train, have down time and live how I want.

Breakfast: peanut butter oatmeal with banana and more peanut butter

Running: 45 minutes

Adorable cakes and opening shifts

Three days until race morning! I had a perfectly confident run this morning leaving me feeling strong and tapered. It was dark, 4 in the morning and I was in my element. Time to ride until race day!

I have to open CTB this morning, and it’s a bit rainy so it might be a slower day here. I came in to a few orders already so that will keep us busy.

I also saw this cake, which makes me truly happy. I love sprinkles.

Breakfast: sunflower butter and jelly on sourdough

Running: 55 minutes

First night without heat!

I slept so much better last night. Honestly the first half of yesterday was terrible. I felt weak, nervous for the race this weekend and like I was broken. Reoccurring feelings of brokenness is something I need to meditate on and explore. But I’ll do that at some other point.

My mood finally started to pick up halfway through work yesterday. It was busy, but I felt confident that even with out short handed staff we could accomplish everything. I really appreciate what my coworkers do for my mind and emotions. Simply by being here with them I felt better.

I don’t believe I am a person who can work totally from home. If I was alone all day yesterday, I doubt my mood would have shifted. I also got my paperwork for the gynecologist in the mail, so I will have an appointment next Wednesday. I will get my situation down there figured out. I’m done with WebMD for now haha

I survived my first night without heat!!! I am trying to see how it will go next week when I don’t have electric hookups and if my solar isn’t as powerful to run a space heater. I used my mummy sleeping bag and blankets. I slept well. Thank the Lord. The hardest part is getting out and putting on cold clothes. But that’s only bad for a second or two.

Sleep, eat and don’t worry. Those are my goals this week. I’m eating my safe foods (oatmeal, peanut butter, banana, sourdough bread, scones and chocolate) and not doing too much.

Breakfast: Pb and butter on sourdough

Running: REST

Lunch and run date with friends and uncomfortable night

Another Sunday I was able to spend with friends running. This weekend I visited my friend Laura (who is an Altra athlete) in Syracuse and we ran about 10 miles downtown to the lake and back. I missed her so much and this was the perfect morning with great weather. I didn’t even need hand warmers.

After the run we met my sister and her boyfriend at Strong Hearts for lunch. I got my favorite chickpea salad sandwich, had a few bites of Connor’s (her bf) cupcake and enjoyed the company. Afterwards I went to a few places in Syracuse before making my way back home. I actually started to feel tired and weird midway through the afternoon, realized I hadn’t really drank anything but coffee, so I stopped at a gas station and got a large pop. It tasted good, but it didn’t quite make me feel 100%.

Last night I had the oddest pain in my pelvic area. I’ve had this before and it only hurts when I am laying down. So I switched my bed around, tried everything and finally made myself a throne on the floor and slept in a seated position. I was afraid it was going to hurt this morning, so I made plans to bag my 6 miler…but I felt fine running.

I’m just over-tired today.

I had some amazing strawberries last night that hit the spot. I can’t wait for spring and summer fruit!

Breakfast: oatmeal with banana, chocolate granola and sunflower butter

Running: 60 minutes

Busier at work at Nikki Green

This morning I felt so much better. I love the route I chose, and I needed to feel this confident.

Yesterday was really busy at work, and I found myself mentally making a list of things to do after I finished checking out the last customer…and that list kept getting longer and customers kept coming. It was one of those kind of days, every time I turned around there was another person. Signals the seasons are changing and Spring is coming.

Hopefully.

I am trying to turn my space heater off at night, but it got down into the 20s again last night and I had forgotten to get out my mummy sleeping bag. Tonight I will and keep the heater off. I gotta get used to it now or never, I lost my electric power in a week.

I wonder how long my solar will last. I’ll also check that tonight. Gotta do some testing.

Honestly, I just wish it would get warmer already, come on, just in time for Easter.

Yesterday I treated myself to Nikki Green for lunch, and I actually might go again today. The peanut butter banana bowl was perfect and I needed to get out of CTB for my break.

I also should support Ten Forward today, so scone and chocoholic bowl for lunch? I think so!

Breakfast: peanut butter and butter on sourdough toast, with an apple

Running: 90 minutes